This morning I woke up and thought, it’s here! Christmas is finally here! Then quickly realized we still have one more day. Dammit.
Not fully awake an uninvited feeling of frustration swept my emotions. Why would I be frustrated? As I made my way downstairs, each step opened a little more consciousness to my tired mind revealing how unfounded that feeling was. The aroma of brewing coffee invading my nostrils gave my body it’s normal craving for coffee. That was it!! My frustration was I wanted to give my gifts, this was an odd feeling, it was usually accompanied with a particular thought of what I might be receiving too, but it wasn’t there and in fact, it hasn’t been there this whole season. Again a wave of frustration crashed over me as I grabbed my coffee cup. I had a whole 24 hours to wait to give my gifts. This anticipation is different than it has ever been.
What am I so excited for? I asked myself.
Beep, Beep, Beep! Coffee is ready. As I was thinking of each special gift I am going to give tomorrow I realized I had a huge smile on my face. Flashes of my family’s faces when they open their gifts made my grin even wider. Even now as I type I’ve got a smile going.
Oh, I can’t wait to give! 24 more hours!
This thought felt strong, and alone, it was powerful and energizing. Giving gifts has always been a passion of mine, but if I were to be honest that “passion” has usually been accompanied by some expectation of what I might receive in return. Heidi can surely attest to this! But the thought of receiving wasn’t there and it’s still not! I’m sure I’m behind in this level of maturity being almost 40. Could this really be my first year where Christmas was simply to give to my wonderful family and not have a care about myself?! My heart is swollen for each of them. Every ounce of my body wants to give & love & provide for each of them.
Is this what they talk about being present with those around you? Is this what being content means?
It’s such a relief not thinking about me. Don’t worry, he gets lots of attention;). It’s been really amazing simply focusing on those I love in the past 30 days. Since Thanksgiving, I have laughed a lot, been helped a lot, said yes to many things I typically say no to. I’ve snuggled more, read more, rested more. I gotta stop thinking about me more!
Is this what getting out of your own head looks like? The view is really nice when it’s focused on people you love. People I love.
I know Christmas isn’t all about gifts. And I don’t mean for this post to say that. To me, it will always be about Christ being a gift to the world. That’s just it isn’t it? Being a gift to the world around you? Am I always a “gift” to my loved ones? Of course not, I’m too busy thinking about me all the time.
As I sip my coffee this morning and anticipate Christmas morning tomorrow I’m finally thinking of others and not myself. It only took 38 years… slow learner, I guess. If you’re reading this know you are a gift to me. It is my hope that you have a wonderful Christmas. You being simply you is a gift to someone, so step into it. Give more of yourself to those around you. It’s nice being focused on others! I’ve known myself for a long time and all of you are way more interesting! You are my gift.
Go give it away now!